Dont just move on, grow on!

So much has happen since the last time I posted to my blog.  They say time flies when you are having fun but I can assure you that amidst all the 'fun' during my absence, it's been quite a roller coaster ride.  You have no idea.  I feel like I have grown so much and have been stretched to my maximum capacity, at least sometimes that's really how it feels.  But what I have discover during this phase of my life is that it is paramount for us to evolve as humans.  We can't live in the same space; it is impossible.  It is really about discovering more and more who we are as we encounter different experiences that introduce us time and time again to ourselves.  What do I mean by that? Ok, have you ever had to go through, live through  something pretty trying, uncomfortable, testing, painful and thought how in the world you are ever going get through it? Then you do! What you have discovered about yourself in that case is that you are a lot stronger than you thought you were.  You know, you never get to know who you are unless and until you have to go through something. We are really the sum total of our lives' experiences.  We get to see ourselves under our own microscope, a good time to learn from the things we go through. The experiences really create teaching moments for us and for others who are willing to learn from us, whether by watching us going through 'our stuff' or be gracious enough to take our word of caution or edification. 


When you find yourself going through a phase where you are out growing that space, you also out grow all the other stuff that comes along with it.  This sometimes include even people, people that you love dearly.  If they are not growing along with you or they cannot accept or appreciate your 'growing' phase then, then you simply need to grow on!  Your roots have dug in a little deeper, you've even sprouted some new buds; you've been pruned and have lost the dead weight and you are free to just grow! Your experience have allowed you to grow through that process and why would you want to remain in the same space, when you have out grown that space.  Sometimes it may also mean that you have to dig up the roots and re-plant them elsewhere.  Regardless of your process of evolving, you have to choose to 'grow' forward. Have you ever ran into some-one you haven't seen in a very long time and it seems like they are just the same way and not in a good way? They see things the same way, act the same way, like they are stuck in a psychological time warp where they have missed some of the important life stages? Yep, you know, you've ran into them and walked away wondering to yourself, what just happened?


Our life season really mirrors the different seasons- spring, summer, fall and winter.  Only we can identify which season of our lives we are going through and flow with it. I feel like I had been in a looooong winter which seemed like it would never end.  But I have learned some things, seen some things and are better for it.  Things that would normally rattle me, leaves me cool under pressure because through my winter season I have had to honker down and just chill, when there is nothing else I could do.  Sometimes if you have nothing else to do but just wait till the sun come out again, you know for sure that you do know how to hang in there. These moment change you and should for the better, better vs. bitter You hang in there until it's time to grow on.
Sisterly love,
Jan

Things are not always what they seem!!!

Do you know how many times this statement have made me eat my own words. If you are honest you may have had to do the same thing too on a few occasions. Things are not always what they seem. Perception is what we go off of a lot of times; what we see we think we know. But sometimes what we think we see - we know or our perceptions may not be found in what we see. Most times it is in the conclusions that we draw. As a psych major I am aware that there are different types of perceptions. One of the definition is "a neurological process by which such recognition and interpretation are affected" which means in layman's term that something goes on in the brain/mind that affects what we recognize and how we interpret them. I always like to draw the parallel with the spiritual and the natural because they always co-relate. They both coexist like conjoined twins. (Just a sidebar, " if your spirit ain't right, you ain't right.") What we recognize, we interpret is a process in the natural which in the spiritual translate "judge not (people) and don't judge a thing before its time." In other words don't judge people and don't judge a thing/situation before the right time.

Since we are limited in our abilities to know everything, when we see something and it appears to be what we may interpret they can still be wrong. A woman with a big stomach doesn't make her pregnant. So the food for thought here is that what we see or have access to analyze doesn't mean we are right based on how we interpret it. We can be so far left field in actuality. People may disagree and say what you see is what really is. But I have lived long enough to know that this isn't always true. People can make you see what they want you to believe and people can make you believe what they want you to see. Do you know how many times I have seen so called happily married couple, only to know if you were a fly on the wall in their home, it wouldn't surprise you why they split? It is all about perception.

Discerning is also an act of perception. Perception is based on what is obvious but discerning requires a lot more. This is more than what meets the eye. Discerning involves motives that exposes our character based on our actions. Discerning is spiritual and it is usually pure and objective. Perception can be looked at a forming an idea based on what we see. Quite the contrary to the real deal. Not saying we may not be right sometimes but before we jump to conclusions especially the wrong conclusions and act like a judge and jury, assessing a situation based on what we think we know because of what we see, let's remember things are not always what they seem.
Sisterly

Sometimes we're gonna miss it!!!!!

It is the belief of many that living in the moment helps us to latch on to every opportunity that comes our way. When our minds are focused on where we are and the space we are living in at that particular time in our lives, then we are prepared for them. Living in the now is the recipe for preparedness. At any given time anything can happen and we ought to be open for them. It's just like being in the right place at the right time. There is nothing better than being in the right place at the right time. Anyone who've had that experience can attest to this. Being in the right place at the right time is like life issuing us a blank check. All we have to do is fill in the particulars. Some opportunities are specific while others are openings or spring boards that lead to other things far greater than we could imagine.

Missing out on opportunities can really evoke a series of emotions especially when we think how things could have been. It causes us to make a paradigm shift in out thinking that lodges in our psyche for a long time. It trains us somewhat like Pavlov's dog to stay stuck in a place in our emotions that reeks of regrets and even despondency. Although sometimes it may not take us to that extreme but we may tend to be tentative after that missed opportunity. It takes a special grace to look back at a missed opportunity and admit, "okay, I blew it!" This is so much better than saying, "so what I blew it!" When we choose the former response it behooves us to look at life with a different set of eyes; the eyes of experience. Experience teaches us what to recognize in the moment. With this type of mindset we have proven that we take ownership of our actions humbly and maybe we can be trusted again with another golden opportunity.

The other response shows a bit of presumption that warrants us little. At the end of the day life owes us nothing if we can't take responsibility for our own actions when we miss it. How then can we be trusted with another? It doesn't matter what the opportunity is. Some people cop out by saying it wasn't meant to be. But the old adage, "life is what you make it," holds true. Opportunities that come our way are conditional based on how we are aligned internally and externally- spiritually and naturally. This alignment comes from where we're living and how we are living inside our selves. The spiritual always manifest itself in the natural and that is the alignment that shows up in how we live. Take the prime example of a person when their life's partner presented themselves, they missed that opportunity because they were living from a superficial place. Who they were inside showed up in their choice or lack of choice.

Opportunities have a way of showing up when we are ready and also to test us. The only person in charge of how we respond is us. The only person who also knows at what stage we are too is us. So that missed opportunity can be the stepping stone that prepares us for the other opportunity when it presents itself, trusting we are good and ready to seize the moment.
Sisterly

There is Always the Big Picture!!!!

What does this term mean, pray tell? "The entire perspective on a situation or issue," is how Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the term. In other words if we can personally relate the term to various and different situations in our lives, then it means that whenever something happens or situations occur we may try to deduce its meaning just based on what we can see. But we have to take into consideration the holistic approach which again is "the importance of the whole rather than all its parts." Now this is usually not the easiest thing to do when we find ourselves in situations, especially when we are going through them and they are not exactly that enjoyable.

How can we see a big picture when it seems like everything is going in another direction than expected or even worst, when all hell just seems to break lose one event after another. Consider Joseph in the bible when his brothers sold him out to become a slave, just because he had the gift of dreaming and interpreting them. The huge mistake he made was to share his dream with his brothers who committed this atrocious act against him. Then to top it off lied to their father about it that his favorite son had died. Now Joseph's sojourn was bittersweet. He found himself a stranger in foreign land as a teenager, no family support but the only thing he had going for him was the favor of God on his life. But even with God favoring him, he still had to face seduction, lies, even prison which led to more disappointment and rejection. It just seems like a progression for him from bad to worst. However as the saying goes, "trouble don't last always." He was able to go through those experiences, not exactly clicking his heels but still hopeful for any lifeline that would come his way. One of those lifeline did turn his back on him after he helped him to gain his freedom. Joseph was unaware of his big picture until it was revealed to him when the gift that God gave him (the same one that landed him in the pit of his life) made way for him to see the big picture.

The very gift that became the creation of his life of hell in Egypt at the hands of his brothers because he was able to dream his big picture and actually believed it, in the end open up his eyes to the "entire perspective" of his own situation. As the story goes in Genesis when he interpreted the dream of the famine for Pharaoh, Pharaoh then made him second in command in Egypt. Those very brothers although they tried to stop the fulfillment of a dream he shared with them, still couldn't change his big picture by their jealous actions. All that the brothers did to Joseph was a part of the big picture God had painted for Joseph; this he shared with them at their reunion when he said what they meant for evil, God had meant for his good.

So how can we fall in line and allow the big picture of our lives to become our focus, and less of the small stuff. Here's a clue that I was divinely enlightened with: there is a connection with the gift and the big picture. When the gift begins to become a problem for haters or when situations begin to spin out of our control, then the same gift will become the catalyst to create or pave the way for the big picture to be revealed. So if we don't know the big picture, follow the trial and the trace the trail, watch the pattern, the brewing of the drama that is leading up to the hell. It is all orchestrated to lead to the big picture.

There is a big picture for all of us whether we believe it or not. So don't sweat the small stuff. Our purpose is the big picture, sometimes it is the picture within a picture, our destiny/calling. That is the ultimate picture. After all we are all created for purpose. However this is not an end all be all. Purpose is a constantly revolving process that changes us from one level to the next until we hit that plateau but never our zenith. If we hit the zenith of purpose then there is nothing else left for us to do and life will become meaningless. May as well 'we lay our burdens down by the river side and study war no more." In other words get ready to stop living. So we should live with a sense of awareness, that the situations in life doesn't always come the way we want them. They manifest themselves in all manners of ways but one thing is certain and that is as long as we are alive we have use. Our experiences will point us in the direction that we ought to take because the big picture is already painted by the Almighty. So we walk in the way as a willing participant. It is not too late to get it together because the big picture awaits.
Sisterly

Sometimes Wait Means NO!!

As we go through life seeking answers and solutions to lives problems, issues, decisions etc, sometimes we go ahead without any spiritual guidance at all as to what we should do. Then push comes to shove and those same situations come back to bite us in the butt because we didn't seek the guidance that was necessary to steer us clear from some life altering decisions. Solomon the wisest man who ever lived has a lot to say about seeking guidance in Proverbs. It is a place to look for instructions on godly wisdom. This guidance is applicable to life and daily living, and this same guidance comes through wisdom.

Wisdom is not a trait we are born with actually. It is an ingredient that we acquire as we go through life's experiences. Our wisdom really manifest itself in our actions. The saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me," is a perfect example of how we acquire wisdom over time. In essence we can't keep doing the same things and expect different results. Little children do that and when things don't work for them they throw tantrums. But as they get older the behavior expectation becomes different because they are growing up and that is what is expected. Unless they are medically retarded then we should expect anything from them sympathetically. The same goes for us as adults. The older we get and the more things we go through in life, the expectation is that we 'grow' through them and act age appropriately. That is the process of maturity.

Now wisdom doesn't work by itself, it works with understanding and knowledge; the ability to understand and the ability to know. These factors all work together to help us maneuver through life. But most importantly wisdom is embedded in fearing the Almighty, that's what makes us wise, knowing that God is God. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, Solomon says. So how do we exhibit wisdom in life when we have situations to deal with in life because at the end of the day, life is about choices and good decision making. It doesn't matter what we have to face. Everything is a choice or a decision. Funny enough both words do not mean the same thing.

The result of a decision is a choice. This does seem complicated in a way but it isn't because a decision is when you have to choose something. A choice involves the mental process of judging and a decision is also the mental process of selecting your course of action resulting in your choice. Either process involves some kind of thinking through and making up one's mind. We are all created with that will to choose. God gave us that right to choose. (I know that it is His desire for us to use that right He gave us to please Him than not. But He is a patient God, He holds time and eternity in His hands. He can wait us out.) So when we have to decide or choose and we seek spiritual guidance the answer maybe varying. They will obviously be YES, NO or WAIT.

When God's answer is YES, He aligns situations in such a way that the answer will be forthcoming and bears witness to what He is doing or about to do. Everything falls into place and then we know it's time to move forward as He leads the way because He's already set things in motion. In this regard, if He is leading the pack then we have to flow with Him on His pace and know that His yes does mean yes no matter what. Even if there are glitches, things are already in motion and the lesson of wisdom is still being taught. When God's answer is NO, that definitive no is followed by Him shutting everything down from the jump. Nothing moves! He doesn't want it to move and this is where our wisdom or lack thereof comes in. If we are wise through our experience we'll flow with Him. If we're not, then the end results will prove itself. Our maturity level is being tested and we can act accordingly. If not, we can act like a kid and have it our way.

But here is where it gets tricky, when God says WAIT. This is a moment in our lives when we take a pause break. We have to during this time, pull out all the stops in our wisdom clause to know how to wait. Waiting is a process of inactivity but in that period of time we can learn a few things. It is the prime opportunity to learn a thing or two about ourselves and reassess; to 'grow up' a little bit more. In the process of 'growing through' our waiting period we may find that we are changing to fit our present situation and we can readily accept where we are, and accept the NO as NO! NO means that, what we think we want, may not be what we really need. The wait answer is more beneficial to us. It is not so much God holding back His blessings from us. He is giving us time to look ahead with Him to see what He sees. It is in that process of inactivity that we can take the blinders off, taking the mask off even, break down if we have to but let the process take its course. For during the waiting process things isn't always what they seem, things also don't look the same in Winter as it does in the Spring. Waiting gives us time to make assessments, backing away from the situation and looking at it from all angles. (At least that's what we should be doing.) When something is too close to the eyes we can't see too well.

After we've waited during the process, it has to end because seasons change; nothing last forever. The seasons are matriculated into life. 'Wait' may help us to cut our losses, saving us years of heartaches and pain. When the waiting is over and it's all said and done, just maybe we will see and hopefully we will learn the lesson after looking back; that NO was really the answer we needed at that point in our life but it came while we learned to accept wait as an answer.
Sisterly

Everything happens for a reason!!!

I remember hearing this saying a lot when I was growing up. I also remember sharing it with a friend of mine as a young adult who scoffed at the saying because to her it meant a superstitious myth. Well I wasn't prepared to make her agree with me but I figured that maybe because I had a spiritual upbringing and she didn't, it was easier for me to believe this phrase without questioning its depth. But the irony of this phrase is that you don't have to have a spiritual upbringing to believe its meaning. You just have to live a little longer and this phrase will undoubtedly make you a believer.

Take the people for example on 9/11 who missed their train, got stuck in traffic, one man stopped to get Dr Scholl's for his new shoes, they were hurting his feet or like my very close friend who took the day off because it was her birthday; her building was the last to fall. We can all interpret this phrase however we want based on whatever we choose, " the universe speaks" or "God is in control," whichever works. But I tend to think that these two interpretations co-relate and the clarification is there to prove it. God is in control simply because of His omniscient atrribute. He is here, there and everywhere all at the same time. This may seem like a mystery as to how this could be possible but if we really think about it God really is everywhere and no one should really need any convincing. God's Spirit is in all of us, that is what keeps us alive. The only time He is not with us is when His Spirit leaves our bodies, then we are dead. So based on that simple truth we are connected to God even if we don't want to admit it, we still are because we are human.

The connection between this phrase and God's control of the world and everything in it is really seen in how we are prompted to do or not to do something however simple. Funny thing is these promptings are always God's way of running interference in our daily lives to protect us from ourselves or stuff from happening to us with the help of angelic beings. It may sound like mystical mumbo jumbo but in reality how do we explain the unexplained, like the man and his wife who are frequent flyers; he always takes the window seat. This particular trip she slips into the window seat before he could. Unfortunately there was a plane crash with survivors, one of which he was. She was flown from the window and didn't make it.

Sometimes we can't explain some things that happen in life so we chock it up as a part of life. Other times we may after looking back, see how stuff happens when they happen and why they happen. The word to the wise is when stuff happens that we don't understand, we just need to see them as the proverbial handwriting on the wall that we don't really need to "kick against the pricks" because the universe maybe screaming at us that God is in control and we really need to chill and let things be as they are. I have a dear family member who would still be here today if only he would have listened to the screams of the universe when different things happened that were trying to prevent him from going on that trip. Sometimes the missed appointments, the canceled date, the shifted schedule, the choice of transportation, the change of clothes (this one seems cynical I know but don't get caught wearing the wrong colors in some parts of the world), the baby's gender, the choice of mate, thought we just got settled, now we gotta move again, whatever it is, let it be because God is still in control. I believe the prayer of St Francis of Assisi one of my favorite mantra settles this little phrase, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. " With that said, reasons known or unknown, everything happens for a reason because God is in control of the universe.
Sisterly.

"When life comes at you fast!"

How prepared are we to handle life's uncertainties? This is really a very challenging question for some people to answer because often times many don't really think about life's uncertainties. Then there are those who live on the other side of the spectrum. They allow life's challenges to be the focus of their existence but still are unable to handle the pressures when they come. Although they allow this state of mind to consume them, it still doesn't prepare them for when 'life comes at you fast." What this means is that we do not prepare for life's uncertainties with a negative mindset based in fear but the approach should be more living our best life while being prepared for whatever happens on any given day. The thing is when people don't live this way, it causes then to be stressed out for every and anything. They just can't handle life even the very trivial things causes them to be bent out of shape. The point being made is not that things will not affect us when we are faced with them but how we let them affect and impact us when they fall right into our laps. It is even obvious when two people share similar experiences and respond in completely different ways. However there is nothing wrong with that because we all are different but at the end of the day our situations good or bad should never stop us from moving forward or stop living.

I remember reading the book, "Great Expectation" in high school with the woman Ms Havisham who was jilted at the altar and from that day on she remained in the wedding dress with the house and everything in the same manner it was on that day when her bridegroom didn't show up. Some would thing she was a wacko, just like I did but what happened was that never in her wildest dreams did she believe that this would happen to her and therefore she was not prepared for it. Now nobody should have to suffer this fate of not being able to move on because something happened unexpectedly. Unfortunately in life stuff happens that no one can explain, there are just no answers, so what do we do? How does one move on? There are no right and wrong answers because this is not cut and dry but we have the choice to either be like Ms Havisham or eat that wedding cake by ourselves or have a "waiting to exhale" party and cuss at every man ever created. The way we move on and we should move on is up to us. We may never be the same again because of the experience but we should "own" it but not let it own us.

One of Jesus' departing words to his disciple was that in this world we will have troubles but we should be courageous because He overcame the world. I used to ponder over those words as a new convert, as to what they actually meant, and how would I apply them to my life. So I had to personalize it and make it practical for my life's experiences. After all that is the intent of the teachings of Jesus if one chooses to be His follower, living with the same moral values as He did. Paraphrasing those cautionary words I take them to mean that, yes in life we are gonna have to deal with problems of different magnitude but all I need to remember is that Jesus lived in the world, faced problems, temptations etc but He didn't let them get the better of Him. So in spite of what life throws at us or as the commercial says, "when life comes at you fast," you are prepared for it even if you didn't expect it. With this in mind we can handle life's challenges.
Sisterly