Things are not always what they seem!!!

Do you know how many times this statement have made me eat my own words. If you are honest you may have had to do the same thing too on a few occasions. Things are not always what they seem. Perception is what we go off of a lot of times; what we see we think we know. But sometimes what we think we see - we know or our perceptions may not be found in what we see. Most times it is in the conclusions that we draw. As a psych major I am aware that there are different types of perceptions. One of the definition is "a neurological process by which such recognition and interpretation are affected" which means in layman's term that something goes on in the brain/mind that affects what we recognize and how we interpret them. I always like to draw the parallel with the spiritual and the natural because they always co-relate. They both coexist like conjoined twins. (Just a sidebar, " if your spirit ain't right, you ain't right.") What we recognize, we interpret is a process in the natural which in the spiritual translate "judge not (people) and don't judge a thing before its time." In other words don't judge people and don't judge a thing/situation before the right time.

Since we are limited in our abilities to know everything, when we see something and it appears to be what we may interpret they can still be wrong. A woman with a big stomach doesn't make her pregnant. So the food for thought here is that what we see or have access to analyze doesn't mean we are right based on how we interpret it. We can be so far left field in actuality. People may disagree and say what you see is what really is. But I have lived long enough to know that this isn't always true. People can make you see what they want you to believe and people can make you believe what they want you to see. Do you know how many times I have seen so called happily married couple, only to know if you were a fly on the wall in their home, it wouldn't surprise you why they split? It is all about perception.

Discerning is also an act of perception. Perception is based on what is obvious but discerning requires a lot more. This is more than what meets the eye. Discerning involves motives that exposes our character based on our actions. Discerning is spiritual and it is usually pure and objective. Perception can be looked at a forming an idea based on what we see. Quite the contrary to the real deal. Not saying we may not be right sometimes but before we jump to conclusions especially the wrong conclusions and act like a judge and jury, assessing a situation based on what we think we know because of what we see, let's remember things are not always what they seem.
Sisterly

Sometimes we're gonna miss it!!!!!

It is the belief of many that living in the moment helps us to latch on to every opportunity that comes our way. When our minds are focused on where we are and the space we are living in at that particular time in our lives, then we are prepared for them. Living in the now is the recipe for preparedness. At any given time anything can happen and we ought to be open for them. It's just like being in the right place at the right time. There is nothing better than being in the right place at the right time. Anyone who've had that experience can attest to this. Being in the right place at the right time is like life issuing us a blank check. All we have to do is fill in the particulars. Some opportunities are specific while others are openings or spring boards that lead to other things far greater than we could imagine.

Missing out on opportunities can really evoke a series of emotions especially when we think how things could have been. It causes us to make a paradigm shift in out thinking that lodges in our psyche for a long time. It trains us somewhat like Pavlov's dog to stay stuck in a place in our emotions that reeks of regrets and even despondency. Although sometimes it may not take us to that extreme but we may tend to be tentative after that missed opportunity. It takes a special grace to look back at a missed opportunity and admit, "okay, I blew it!" This is so much better than saying, "so what I blew it!" When we choose the former response it behooves us to look at life with a different set of eyes; the eyes of experience. Experience teaches us what to recognize in the moment. With this type of mindset we have proven that we take ownership of our actions humbly and maybe we can be trusted again with another golden opportunity.

The other response shows a bit of presumption that warrants us little. At the end of the day life owes us nothing if we can't take responsibility for our own actions when we miss it. How then can we be trusted with another? It doesn't matter what the opportunity is. Some people cop out by saying it wasn't meant to be. But the old adage, "life is what you make it," holds true. Opportunities that come our way are conditional based on how we are aligned internally and externally- spiritually and naturally. This alignment comes from where we're living and how we are living inside our selves. The spiritual always manifest itself in the natural and that is the alignment that shows up in how we live. Take the prime example of a person when their life's partner presented themselves, they missed that opportunity because they were living from a superficial place. Who they were inside showed up in their choice or lack of choice.

Opportunities have a way of showing up when we are ready and also to test us. The only person in charge of how we respond is us. The only person who also knows at what stage we are too is us. So that missed opportunity can be the stepping stone that prepares us for the other opportunity when it presents itself, trusting we are good and ready to seize the moment.
Sisterly

There is Always the Big Picture!!!!

What does this term mean, pray tell? "The entire perspective on a situation or issue," is how Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the term. In other words if we can personally relate the term to various and different situations in our lives, then it means that whenever something happens or situations occur we may try to deduce its meaning just based on what we can see. But we have to take into consideration the holistic approach which again is "the importance of the whole rather than all its parts." Now this is usually not the easiest thing to do when we find ourselves in situations, especially when we are going through them and they are not exactly that enjoyable.

How can we see a big picture when it seems like everything is going in another direction than expected or even worst, when all hell just seems to break lose one event after another. Consider Joseph in the bible when his brothers sold him out to become a slave, just because he had the gift of dreaming and interpreting them. The huge mistake he made was to share his dream with his brothers who committed this atrocious act against him. Then to top it off lied to their father about it that his favorite son had died. Now Joseph's sojourn was bittersweet. He found himself a stranger in foreign land as a teenager, no family support but the only thing he had going for him was the favor of God on his life. But even with God favoring him, he still had to face seduction, lies, even prison which led to more disappointment and rejection. It just seems like a progression for him from bad to worst. However as the saying goes, "trouble don't last always." He was able to go through those experiences, not exactly clicking his heels but still hopeful for any lifeline that would come his way. One of those lifeline did turn his back on him after he helped him to gain his freedom. Joseph was unaware of his big picture until it was revealed to him when the gift that God gave him (the same one that landed him in the pit of his life) made way for him to see the big picture.

The very gift that became the creation of his life of hell in Egypt at the hands of his brothers because he was able to dream his big picture and actually believed it, in the end open up his eyes to the "entire perspective" of his own situation. As the story goes in Genesis when he interpreted the dream of the famine for Pharaoh, Pharaoh then made him second in command in Egypt. Those very brothers although they tried to stop the fulfillment of a dream he shared with them, still couldn't change his big picture by their jealous actions. All that the brothers did to Joseph was a part of the big picture God had painted for Joseph; this he shared with them at their reunion when he said what they meant for evil, God had meant for his good.

So how can we fall in line and allow the big picture of our lives to become our focus, and less of the small stuff. Here's a clue that I was divinely enlightened with: there is a connection with the gift and the big picture. When the gift begins to become a problem for haters or when situations begin to spin out of our control, then the same gift will become the catalyst to create or pave the way for the big picture to be revealed. So if we don't know the big picture, follow the trial and the trace the trail, watch the pattern, the brewing of the drama that is leading up to the hell. It is all orchestrated to lead to the big picture.

There is a big picture for all of us whether we believe it or not. So don't sweat the small stuff. Our purpose is the big picture, sometimes it is the picture within a picture, our destiny/calling. That is the ultimate picture. After all we are all created for purpose. However this is not an end all be all. Purpose is a constantly revolving process that changes us from one level to the next until we hit that plateau but never our zenith. If we hit the zenith of purpose then there is nothing else left for us to do and life will become meaningless. May as well 'we lay our burdens down by the river side and study war no more." In other words get ready to stop living. So we should live with a sense of awareness, that the situations in life doesn't always come the way we want them. They manifest themselves in all manners of ways but one thing is certain and that is as long as we are alive we have use. Our experiences will point us in the direction that we ought to take because the big picture is already painted by the Almighty. So we walk in the way as a willing participant. It is not too late to get it together because the big picture awaits.
Sisterly

Sometimes Wait Means NO!!

As we go through life seeking answers and solutions to lives problems, issues, decisions etc, sometimes we go ahead without any spiritual guidance at all as to what we should do. Then push comes to shove and those same situations come back to bite us in the butt because we didn't seek the guidance that was necessary to steer us clear from some life altering decisions. Solomon the wisest man who ever lived has a lot to say about seeking guidance in Proverbs. It is a place to look for instructions on godly wisdom. This guidance is applicable to life and daily living, and this same guidance comes through wisdom.

Wisdom is not a trait we are born with actually. It is an ingredient that we acquire as we go through life's experiences. Our wisdom really manifest itself in our actions. The saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me," is a perfect example of how we acquire wisdom over time. In essence we can't keep doing the same things and expect different results. Little children do that and when things don't work for them they throw tantrums. But as they get older the behavior expectation becomes different because they are growing up and that is what is expected. Unless they are medically retarded then we should expect anything from them sympathetically. The same goes for us as adults. The older we get and the more things we go through in life, the expectation is that we 'grow' through them and act age appropriately. That is the process of maturity.

Now wisdom doesn't work by itself, it works with understanding and knowledge; the ability to understand and the ability to know. These factors all work together to help us maneuver through life. But most importantly wisdom is embedded in fearing the Almighty, that's what makes us wise, knowing that God is God. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, Solomon says. So how do we exhibit wisdom in life when we have situations to deal with in life because at the end of the day, life is about choices and good decision making. It doesn't matter what we have to face. Everything is a choice or a decision. Funny enough both words do not mean the same thing.

The result of a decision is a choice. This does seem complicated in a way but it isn't because a decision is when you have to choose something. A choice involves the mental process of judging and a decision is also the mental process of selecting your course of action resulting in your choice. Either process involves some kind of thinking through and making up one's mind. We are all created with that will to choose. God gave us that right to choose. (I know that it is His desire for us to use that right He gave us to please Him than not. But He is a patient God, He holds time and eternity in His hands. He can wait us out.) So when we have to decide or choose and we seek spiritual guidance the answer maybe varying. They will obviously be YES, NO or WAIT.

When God's answer is YES, He aligns situations in such a way that the answer will be forthcoming and bears witness to what He is doing or about to do. Everything falls into place and then we know it's time to move forward as He leads the way because He's already set things in motion. In this regard, if He is leading the pack then we have to flow with Him on His pace and know that His yes does mean yes no matter what. Even if there are glitches, things are already in motion and the lesson of wisdom is still being taught. When God's answer is NO, that definitive no is followed by Him shutting everything down from the jump. Nothing moves! He doesn't want it to move and this is where our wisdom or lack thereof comes in. If we are wise through our experience we'll flow with Him. If we're not, then the end results will prove itself. Our maturity level is being tested and we can act accordingly. If not, we can act like a kid and have it our way.

But here is where it gets tricky, when God says WAIT. This is a moment in our lives when we take a pause break. We have to during this time, pull out all the stops in our wisdom clause to know how to wait. Waiting is a process of inactivity but in that period of time we can learn a few things. It is the prime opportunity to learn a thing or two about ourselves and reassess; to 'grow up' a little bit more. In the process of 'growing through' our waiting period we may find that we are changing to fit our present situation and we can readily accept where we are, and accept the NO as NO! NO means that, what we think we want, may not be what we really need. The wait answer is more beneficial to us. It is not so much God holding back His blessings from us. He is giving us time to look ahead with Him to see what He sees. It is in that process of inactivity that we can take the blinders off, taking the mask off even, break down if we have to but let the process take its course. For during the waiting process things isn't always what they seem, things also don't look the same in Winter as it does in the Spring. Waiting gives us time to make assessments, backing away from the situation and looking at it from all angles. (At least that's what we should be doing.) When something is too close to the eyes we can't see too well.

After we've waited during the process, it has to end because seasons change; nothing last forever. The seasons are matriculated into life. 'Wait' may help us to cut our losses, saving us years of heartaches and pain. When the waiting is over and it's all said and done, just maybe we will see and hopefully we will learn the lesson after looking back; that NO was really the answer we needed at that point in our life but it came while we learned to accept wait as an answer.
Sisterly

Everything happens for a reason!!!

I remember hearing this saying a lot when I was growing up. I also remember sharing it with a friend of mine as a young adult who scoffed at the saying because to her it meant a superstitious myth. Well I wasn't prepared to make her agree with me but I figured that maybe because I had a spiritual upbringing and she didn't, it was easier for me to believe this phrase without questioning its depth. But the irony of this phrase is that you don't have to have a spiritual upbringing to believe its meaning. You just have to live a little longer and this phrase will undoubtedly make you a believer.

Take the people for example on 9/11 who missed their train, got stuck in traffic, one man stopped to get Dr Scholl's for his new shoes, they were hurting his feet or like my very close friend who took the day off because it was her birthday; her building was the last to fall. We can all interpret this phrase however we want based on whatever we choose, " the universe speaks" or "God is in control," whichever works. But I tend to think that these two interpretations co-relate and the clarification is there to prove it. God is in control simply because of His omniscient atrribute. He is here, there and everywhere all at the same time. This may seem like a mystery as to how this could be possible but if we really think about it God really is everywhere and no one should really need any convincing. God's Spirit is in all of us, that is what keeps us alive. The only time He is not with us is when His Spirit leaves our bodies, then we are dead. So based on that simple truth we are connected to God even if we don't want to admit it, we still are because we are human.

The connection between this phrase and God's control of the world and everything in it is really seen in how we are prompted to do or not to do something however simple. Funny thing is these promptings are always God's way of running interference in our daily lives to protect us from ourselves or stuff from happening to us with the help of angelic beings. It may sound like mystical mumbo jumbo but in reality how do we explain the unexplained, like the man and his wife who are frequent flyers; he always takes the window seat. This particular trip she slips into the window seat before he could. Unfortunately there was a plane crash with survivors, one of which he was. She was flown from the window and didn't make it.

Sometimes we can't explain some things that happen in life so we chock it up as a part of life. Other times we may after looking back, see how stuff happens when they happen and why they happen. The word to the wise is when stuff happens that we don't understand, we just need to see them as the proverbial handwriting on the wall that we don't really need to "kick against the pricks" because the universe maybe screaming at us that God is in control and we really need to chill and let things be as they are. I have a dear family member who would still be here today if only he would have listened to the screams of the universe when different things happened that were trying to prevent him from going on that trip. Sometimes the missed appointments, the canceled date, the shifted schedule, the choice of transportation, the change of clothes (this one seems cynical I know but don't get caught wearing the wrong colors in some parts of the world), the baby's gender, the choice of mate, thought we just got settled, now we gotta move again, whatever it is, let it be because God is still in control. I believe the prayer of St Francis of Assisi one of my favorite mantra settles this little phrase, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. " With that said, reasons known or unknown, everything happens for a reason because God is in control of the universe.
Sisterly.

"When life comes at you fast!"

How prepared are we to handle life's uncertainties? This is really a very challenging question for some people to answer because often times many don't really think about life's uncertainties. Then there are those who live on the other side of the spectrum. They allow life's challenges to be the focus of their existence but still are unable to handle the pressures when they come. Although they allow this state of mind to consume them, it still doesn't prepare them for when 'life comes at you fast." What this means is that we do not prepare for life's uncertainties with a negative mindset based in fear but the approach should be more living our best life while being prepared for whatever happens on any given day. The thing is when people don't live this way, it causes then to be stressed out for every and anything. They just can't handle life even the very trivial things causes them to be bent out of shape. The point being made is not that things will not affect us when we are faced with them but how we let them affect and impact us when they fall right into our laps. It is even obvious when two people share similar experiences and respond in completely different ways. However there is nothing wrong with that because we all are different but at the end of the day our situations good or bad should never stop us from moving forward or stop living.

I remember reading the book, "Great Expectation" in high school with the woman Ms Havisham who was jilted at the altar and from that day on she remained in the wedding dress with the house and everything in the same manner it was on that day when her bridegroom didn't show up. Some would thing she was a wacko, just like I did but what happened was that never in her wildest dreams did she believe that this would happen to her and therefore she was not prepared for it. Now nobody should have to suffer this fate of not being able to move on because something happened unexpectedly. Unfortunately in life stuff happens that no one can explain, there are just no answers, so what do we do? How does one move on? There are no right and wrong answers because this is not cut and dry but we have the choice to either be like Ms Havisham or eat that wedding cake by ourselves or have a "waiting to exhale" party and cuss at every man ever created. The way we move on and we should move on is up to us. We may never be the same again because of the experience but we should "own" it but not let it own us.

One of Jesus' departing words to his disciple was that in this world we will have troubles but we should be courageous because He overcame the world. I used to ponder over those words as a new convert, as to what they actually meant, and how would I apply them to my life. So I had to personalize it and make it practical for my life's experiences. After all that is the intent of the teachings of Jesus if one chooses to be His follower, living with the same moral values as He did. Paraphrasing those cautionary words I take them to mean that, yes in life we are gonna have to deal with problems of different magnitude but all I need to remember is that Jesus lived in the world, faced problems, temptations etc but He didn't let them get the better of Him. So in spite of what life throws at us or as the commercial says, "when life comes at you fast," you are prepared for it even if you didn't expect it. With this in mind we can handle life's challenges.
Sisterly

Just as I am

Mary J Blige has a song with the words that say, "take me as I am or nothing at all"; a great song, one of my all time favorites actually. She sings this song with her usual passion that makes her music so relate-able. She knows what she's singing about because she's lived it. The song talks about just being able to be who we are as individuals, with our flaws, our victories, our setbacks, the things that are likable about us or the things that make room for people to gossip about us. Through life's experiences she makes the discovery of who she is and in the final analysis says, "this is who I am." We are a summation of our life's highs and lows and she stresses the need for self acceptance. When we can acceptance ourselves for who we are and where we are it frees us up to become better people. We should never be comfortable living in the same space.

"When I was a child I spoke as a I child and I understood as a child but now that I am a woman/man I put away childish things." This suggests that there is a process of development that we must go through in order for us to go with the flow of life. If we don't see this process as a part of life then it is very easy to get stuck in one place. That's why it is easy for people to get suck in a certain era because they were comfortable there; or even stay stuck in a job forever and hate going there everyday. Yet they do it because it is comfortable. Accepting ourselves doesn't involve living in the comfort zone. It really is about stretching beyond everything that's comfortable, making ourselves vulnerable and really "grow up." It is so surprising when I interact with some people sometimes that I come away with the feeling, " is it me or........." Take me as I am is not a license to say, "I'm just gonna do me." It is after that period of self discovery that we should draw that conclusion. It says I have been through some things that have shaped me to be this person and this is who I am, love me or leave; I accept me. It is only fair after we've discovered who we are through the process to be able to say this, not before. Anything else is a facade or a farce that we are living under.

This is not about people trying to change people. It is a myth that people believe. We can't change people. Change is a choice. People approach relationships this way and when they don't work out it causes so much pain, hurt and disappointment. So therefore it is unrealistic to try to change people. I guess that's why Mahatma Gandhi says we need to be the change we want to see in others. Trying to change people only makes things comfortable for us and we really don't benefit in the long run. The effect we have on others especially when we want to make a difference in their lives is by "living on the real." "Iron sharpens iron, so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friend," is a famous Proverb that transcends time. This process of rubbing iron together causes friction, heat, discomfort but yet iron will shine after all of that. This is the biblical blueprint for relationships of acceptance. We have to relate to each other on each other's level. It is not about being obnoxious, unbearable or even abrasive because the process is a give and take, where we all come away with a sense of balance on both sides. It should not be a one sided affair but a space where we receive the same type of energy that we give out. It is amazing how we can't get around this law of life because what we put out will come back to us. If we're nasty to people, then that's what comes back. If we manipulate people that's what comes back. If we're nice to people that's what comes back. Even what we accepts come back to us.

However it is a good thing though that God doesn't relate to us on that level. His level of acceptance is way beyond imaginable. People feel that they have to get their act together for God to accept them but He accepts us for who we are. After all He made us all and He knows exactly where we are. That's why our relationship with Him should be personal and not based on somebody else's. Because He knows where you are in your process and other people may not so they may judge based on what they think they know. We don't have to have it all together. Actually the God-Man, Jesus said that He didn't come to call the righteous but people who have issues and are actually aware of them but yet not comfortable living with those issues. His acceptance is still a part of the process of "this is who I am, this is where I am and I can't be comfortable until I become what I am supposed to be." Jesus made life relate-able as Mary's song does. But it is kinda sad that church folks don't present a relate-able God to the "unchurched." Church folk try so hard to 'spiritualize' everything that they make everyday life and interaction seem undo-able and unachievable by the average man. Saint Paul terms it as "being so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good", still not a 'get out of jail free card' to live however we please but more or less a message that says if I can live this life in Christ, you can too. Why? Because I am no different from you I just made the choice to change direction to live on the side that won't steer me wrong. Not on the side of religiosity confounded in a whole bundle of does and don't or in anybody's so called doctrinal revelations cloaked in spirituality or self righteousness, that some people cannot even think for themselves. They 'parrot' what they hear and are afraid to judge for themselves. Not everyone that say Lord, Lord....... have the Lord's agenda. It is more about self promotion all in the name of Jesus.

It is really not what we say neither is it what we do; it is really how we live. Some people want to share Jesus with everyone they meet but yet they don't even care about the people's well being. We can't force Jesus on people when people can't even see the reason why they need Him and trumping hell and damnation to them is just going to turn people off, and that's really not a true representation of who Jesus is. What was so ironic about Jesus' message was that He did not trump "hell and damnation" to the world, it was directed to religious leaders. His message to His disciples to share with the world was love. Love fosters acceptance; acceptance of God for God is love, self then others. Acceptance is summed up in this , "loving God, loving ourselves, then loving others. But of course as humans we just do things backwards, we look for love in all the wrong places, haven't even come to love and accept ourselves for who we are but yet we want others to love us and when they don't, we are stagnated in this process of life, bitter. One thing Jesus did, He really cared about people and He accepted them for who they are. His life and teachings was more about that than anything else. Yes, He got into it with religious leaders because they didn't like that approach. They were more about appearing religious based on what they thought they knew about God.

Living in a place of acceptance is very disarming and takes away the power we give people over us. The thing is, when we accept ourselves and we know that God accepts us, then we can live in that space ripe for growth. What really got me to pay close attention to this Jesus many years ago, was some people I interacted with daily who had chosen to love and accept me unconditionally but didn't let me feel condemned because of how I was living my life. They chose to love and accept me and looking back now I know they were praying for me. They never preached to me or told me I needed Jesus because I honestly believe I would've been completely turned off. That was my hang up. They didn't even invite me to church, imagine that! I think they may have assumed I wouldn't have come and they were right, I probably wouldn't have gone. I visited their church on my own accord. So it is not about what we say or how good we preach, sometimes it is just not saying anything. It's about accepting ourselves and accepting people, just as they are in their humanity and letting God do the rest. Only He can change people, you and I don't have that power. No body can't come to God unless His Spirit draws them and if He can accept people for who we are then why can't we?
Agape

Are you the real McCoy ????

Last night I was watching Bishop Jakes speaking at Bishop Eddie Long's conference. He got on the topic of how people try to suck up to him. He mentioned that people feel that by being nice to him they really impress him. But what he said those people may not know is that he is always in observe mode, watching how they treat other people they feel are insignificant, people like the waiters, the drivers, the valets, cleaning people etc. He uses this as his bench mark to define a real leader. But didn't he just let out his secret for how people can impress him, which means that people may start to modify their behavior around him with the intentions of still getting close to him? The thing is some people are 'so good' that they feel that they can impress everyone with their synthetic personalities. But a genuine spirit is something people cannot fake. Colloquially speaking, "you either is or you ain't." Just ask a little child and they'll tell you by their actions when someone ain't "for real." Children just seem to know. If a child doesn't like you, you gotta check yourself. A child whose spirit is untainted that is.

The Jekyll and Hyde concept easily fit anyone who has a public persona and a private face that is completely different from each other. Granted we are all humans and as individuals we are all subject to human behavior but being two faced is a spiritual deformity. Imagine seeing someone with two faces, the gasps, the stares and reaction that will follow. It is usually the same reaction a two faced person will get when they are exposed. Consistency is the key in maintaining a 'one face' personality. I'm not talking about someone being moody sometimes but a pattern of behavior that defines an individual as such. Many people talk a good game but they can't walk the talk or when it comes to bell the cat, they can't back up what they say in a right spirit. The personality manifests itself usually with a defensive, confrontation vibe because both faces are at war to see who will come out on top. Sounds kinda crazy but that's human behavior for you. No wonder the story is told of the man who said the more he gets to know people the more he loves his dog. Empty barrel does make the most noise.

God made us all as unique individuals and framed us with personalities, some of which we inherited from that gene pool that belong to our parents. Some personality traits we develop along the way. We are who we are by nature and nurture and who we are can make us or break us. Who we are should come from that place inside of us where we live- a decent place, a pure place, a genuine place; a place from which to grow. Experiences ground us to become consistent. The lessons taught by life is to help mold us to become mature human beings; a complex process called human development. God expects us to grow as humans. When a child is born they are expected to go through the growth stages. This process shouldn't stop when we become adults. But some people just get stuck in the same space, stagnant. Stagnant is a negative word especially when used to describe this process- stale, dull, stunted etc. "When I was a child I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, now that I am a man/woman I put away childish things." One doesn't have to go to college to grow, it helps but the "school of hard knocks" will definitely force us all to grow up.

The reality of who we are is really wrapped up in this process. It is not so much about the destination, it is about the journey. I met a woman the other day who was having issues with her eighty four year old mother who is on her death bed. I knew God send this woman my way because I was just not in the mood to hear no body else's problems. I had my, "I got my own problem' face on but she just kept on going so I had to give in and just listen. I had to tell her what she probably didn't wanna hear but that was she couldn't change her mom and it was no use trying to change her on her death bed. She said Mom always wanted to be a diva to which I said Mom is dying just let her be! Mom didn't want to change and daughter didn't want to change either. Such a pity! Our real personality cannot come forth unless we yield to the process of growth through change because life has a way of tempering us. At this point one cannot be an imitator or a Jekyll and Hyde but the 'real McCoy' that do not have to pretend for anyone. Being 'for real' in the true sense of the term takes away the shroud of living under a facade that everyone has to dance to the beat of our drum because 'it is all about me!' Being for real means you're comfortable in your own skin and you make others better around you. It doesn't matter if anybody else sees. God sees and that's all that matters. But some people just can't do that. They have to find a way to always make it all about them. However people fail to realize that Someone is always watching- those all seeing eyes who intervene in the affairs of men. It is easy to fake people out but we can't fake God out. Man looks on people's appearances but God looks right at the heart of the matter. There is the saying that goes, "you see a man's face but you can't see his heart. " Thank God that He doesn't judges us the way others do or grant us the judgment that we really deserve, or even the way we judge others mercilessly.
Blessings

Integrity in Friendship

I heard a basic definition for integrity a while back that says, "who are you when no one else is looking?" However the dictionary definition of 'integrity' is "adherence to moral, soundness of moral character, honesty. One would believe that this is a quality that everybody should have or be born with just because it is linked with morals. But sadly it isn't. Integrity comes naturally for some people because they were raised with this in mind. Having integrity as a part of one's upbringing is when parents hold their children accountable for their actions. Every action has a consequence and it doesn't matter if it is small or great, good or bad, consequence none the less is paramount. That is a life lesson that is deemed essentially as a staple for life. Here's the thing, boundaries create the environment that allows for integrity to become a lifestyle. Having an innate knowledge of this can keep one on the right part. The funny thing is no one can escape consequences even if you think you can get away, the laws of life never change. No one escapes the law of karma, reap what you sow, what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down, yaddi, yaddi, yadda!!

So knowing that this is integrity, who are we when no one is looking? Do we have a public persona or a private self that no one really knows? Integrity speaks of authenticity, a realness that leads always to being true to who we are. Because here's another thing, no one enjoys being around phoniness. It just doesn't hide itself very well no matter how we may try to hide it. Real knows real, spirit knows spirit and I say that because often times I encounter people that we just don't mesh; no particular reason, something I just can't put my finger on. My spirit just couldn't welcome them in even though there maybe a level of cordiality. In those scenarios I never try to force the issue or push a connection because if my connections are not borne of the spirit then these connection are not lasting. Spiritual connections usually manifest themselves for a lifetime and they never succumb to adversities. Even if that person leaves your immediate circle all you have to do is think about them and the phone rings or you can count on hearing from them soon, one way or another. You vibe off each other, a bond that is based in each other's integrity of character. Usually these are friendships of the highest caliber.

So once again who are we when no one else is looking? Is integrity necessary in friendship? Sure it is! The Good Book says in Proverbs, "he who needs friends must first show himself friendly." Everything is open to interpretation and usually if interpretations are not objective, it is usually underlined by some other motive. But without trying to be too deep, this proverb is very simple. It means if you want to have friends, first be one! Friendship is not a word that ought to be taken for granted. Outside of a marriage it is the next best most beautiful connection when it is authentic, one that should be nurtured, cultivated, honored, respected and cherished as a commitment. A friendship void of integrity leads to just about anything, merely acquaintance that can diminish on any given day and offers or lends no priority. It's judgment free, no jealousy, friends don't lie on friends or betray trust, you wish your friends well, you want the best for them and you share their joys and pain. Friends also don't join the 'haters club' that is centered around you and your demise or the fair weather demeanor that goes along with acquaintances.

I have been blessed with some great friends, people who I can be myself around, people who have accepted me for who I am, the bad the good, the indifferent and the ugly, everything that encompasses, me Janet, the woman. These are people who are willing to call me out in love when I need it, chastised when necessary but have my back when I need them to, people who no one can speak ill of me in their presence. With these people I dont have a sense of obligation of fitting into their mode for me, neither do I have to do the same for them. Friendships are more than just acquaintances; it is a cyclical bond of giving and receiving. At the stage I am in my life I truly dont have time for anything less. For when you really know someone in the true meaning of the word "knowing' acceptance becomes synonymous with knowing. I had a district manager when I worked in banking who would use this learning tool with us as managers when we would tweak the rules or didn't follow protocol for someone we knew. She'd say "if you can't go to that person's house at 3 am in the morning and ring the doorbell unannounced and they welcome you in without a problem, then offer you something to eat, then you really don't know them." She couldn't be more right about that and it was great advice especially in our line of work where everybody wanted to be your friend. That was the same piece of advice the tellers got too, "Janet don't know if she can't visit you at 3 in the morning. I always kept my circle of friends small because this way I can manage the level of quality of the friendship. I am more so for quality than quantity. I don't need to know a lot of people because if they cannot give me back the level of loyalty I give them, then that Beyonce's song that is a part of my all girls anthem play-list will suit them very well, "To the left.. to the left"

Who we are shows up in our friendships, that authentic self that reflects in those around us; those who we help to make better and they in turn. My friends triumphs are mine and mine theirs. So if you are surrounded by people and those friendships are not based in authenticity, where you're wasting each other's time just faking the funk, then maybe it's time to revisit, rebuild, redesign, or even a fresh start. But if all else fails you can still break out that Beyonce's song, with fist pumping in the air...."to the left to the left..." because trust me you'll get over it. For every ten not so good friends, you will inherit one true one that is of more value. "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver the other gold."
Sisterly

Decisions! Decisions! Decisions!

How many times in life have we heard or used this phrase, "if I knew then what I know now!" If you haven't at some point you will, just live a little longer. Funny thing, if we can be honest we have used it a lot more than we would really wanna admit. We may have used this phrase as a result of anything- a decision we made that may not have turned out exactly the way we expected it to. Now the thing is when I say anything, I mean, anything. I can compile an endless list and we would find a few things that this statement applies to. Of a truth, we all at some point have done somethings that have had us asking ourselves the question over and over until we settle it, "just what was I thinking!" I don't know about you but I have had to. One may try to come up with some plausible answers that made sense at the time but looking back all you could do is just chide yourself for wearing that 'stupid' word written across your forehead. But here is the good thing about being in this uncomfortable space of regret, one has the option and opportunity to make amends. You do this by cleaning up the act totally through whatever process necessary and most times it requires forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not only involve other parties but it involves you getting to a place of 'gentleness' with your own self and admit what you've done, forgive yourself and then let it go. Something I have also learned is that it is easier to forgive others than forgive yourself' and some people may also think that this is not necessary but it is. The reason it is, is that you can't keep beating yourself up about something you cannot go back and undo. Once it has happened, it is a done deal. With some things there is just no undoing. So what do you do, drag around the unnecessary 'suitcase', absolutely not! One has to find a way to rid oneself of the weight and keep it moving. If you don't then other people can also be affected by the baggage that you are carrying around with you because there is always some form of residue that goes along with regrets. The other side of this is also denial of not having regrets and sadly this camouflage way of living affects people in adverse ways just because they can't even admit that they messed up or messed over.

Sometimes we make decisions that fortunately for us we can undo, some we can readdress, some we can work around, some we can change but there are some you just cannot go back on. Something else I have also learned through just life lessons is that life is a process. It is a process of learning and hence this particular phrase is continuous. How could I have gotten to learn and understand more about life if I didn't have to go through "stuff" myself. There are people who learn from the advice of others. Proverbs says it is wise to seek counsel when we make decisions but when you think about it, how many people really do this? Solomon the writer of Proverbs calls this person wise. So if we seek the advice of others before we make decisions we are wise. Another thing though I think, Solomon meant for us to ask people who we trust and people with just a modicum of common sense and not just people who haven't been through anything. There are also people who learn by watching other people's experiences. By watching the way they live, you can kinda take a page from their book and not make the same mistakes or take the bitter with the sweet, or use what may apply to your situation to the best of your ability.

With all that said one may believe that that is also easy to do. I honestly can say I used to be one of those people who, "I hear you, I see you but I'm gonna do what I want to do anyway." Then I will deal with the consequences if any. Based on this mindset one can drawn the conclusion that this must be the voice of a youthful renegade. Because when you get to be at a particular phase in life there are certain things you just can and cannot do, and not think about the consequences. I cannot image maturing through life's processes and still think the same way because we all have to know ourselves to a certain extent. I'm an all out person. I don't half-step when I'm doing anything so where is the middle ground to "when I'm bad, I'm very bad and when I'm good I'm very good?" There is a simple answer and I take my cue from this line of reasoning. Sometimes our decisions just does not affect only us but they affect those we love, and even those around us because we are all connected in some way. It's bad enough when the stuff we do have repercussions that cost us but it is even worst when the stuff we do cost other people even more. Like that person that decides to have that one last drink and had that accident, or kept that phone number when you should have ripped it up, or you said no when you should have said yes, or you took the job knowing the stress level just for the money, or you blew the money that could've paid a bill, or you opened up yourself for unnecessary drama when you should have just left well enough alone, or got that car when you know it was added pressure on the budget just because you had to have it or you befriended the wrong psycho or your soul mate did not turn out to be your baby daddy/mama, just left you with the baby, or works sucks and you quit, now you stay broke and on and on we can go......

So as we go on this journey of life, it is really a learning stage. Things we used to do at certain phases of life we have to be able to maneuver through with a lot "more hindsight makes us all genius experience." Sometimes this phase may catch us off guard, or way too late into the situation and we cannot do damage control. But whether we take other people's advice or we learn from their mistakes, we have to be levelheaded in the way we can live life, picking up life lessons in every way we can. We never stop learning until we're dead but one thing is certain we can use the phrase less and less or just for the good things in the learning curve called life.
Many Blessings

The Value of a Human Life

Life in this day and age seem to be loosing its value more and more as days go by. It kinda makes you wonder how can life that is precious mean so little to some people. Lou Rawls back in the day sang a song that said, "what's the matter with the world, has the world gone mad, ain't nothing wrong with the world, it's just the people that's in it." It couldn't be any truer a statement. God created this world a paradise. All we have to do is reflect on the beautiful world around us to concur with this fact. I believe in the creation story as the way the world was formed. I choose to believe that account than that of Darwin's theory of evolution. The thing that people tend to forget is that a theory is speculation based on a "trying to understand." When Darwin was trying to understand, verify or even challenge creation, he got a whole ton of people going along with him on this ride. He proposes to explain what he believes to be so based on a scientific method that he used to find proof of the existence of God. However the Genesis account of the creation story is stemmed in a simple belief, not just some complicated scientific, philosophical theory of trying to prove something that the human mind cannot comprehend anyway. It is as simple as that.

The webnetweb.Princeton.edu defines a theory as such, " well substantiated explanation of some aspect of the natural world or an organized system of accepted knowledge that applies in a variety of hypothesis; a tentative insight into the natural world, a concept that is not yet verified but that if true would explain certain facts or phenomena." So based on this explanation of the meaning of theory, it just goes to show that Darwin cannot explain away how God created the heavens and the earth and everything in it. He can explain what he believes or think but the essence of life and God's creation he cannot explain. God created life, from the beginning and I believe it. I rather believe that than accept the fact that I evolved from a darn monkey. I was created in the image and likeness of God who is a Spirit being. But saying that I do believe in the evolution of people. By this I mean people evolving and progressing into becoming better human beings at who and what they really are. I have evolved into a better person. Motherhood did that for me. The person that I was many years ago is not the same person I am today. So we are all evolving or at least we should.

Life is about change and being better. Having said all that, it still seems that life is valueless. When I heard about the young couple that were gunned down in Jersey City after coming from their engagement party by some teens who just wanted to know what it feels like to kill somebody, it just makes you wonder. At this point Darwin's theory cannot explain to me why this happened. But being a created being I understand how this could happen even though I cannot understand why it happened. There is a quote in the bible that said, "the heart is desperately wicked, who can know it." Only a wicked heart could do something like that. It wasn't about the car they jacked or they wouldn't have killed the victims. It was the fact that these teens did not know the value of a human life. Sadly they didn't even know the value of their own lives.

So how do we live in a world with so much evil? One thing I'd say is not live in fear but live right, love everyday and live with purpose. It was said that this young couple were people who did just that. Even though there are no real answers to these questions, we can only say some of the things that help us cope, statements such as, " the good die young," "they were too good for this world," or "they were just angels in the midst of us." Whilst we live amongst evil we have to find ourselves living in a conscious state of mind knowing that it is "appointed unto man once to die......" It isn't so much about living life everyday as if it's our last because that is burdensome. Just live everyday trying to do the right things: making amends with people, find that long lost friend, forgive somebody you need to release, let go of unnecessary baggage, live light by not taking everything seriously if it's not meant to be, take a vacation, have fun with the people you love, detox your spirit and choose to rid yourself or bad vibes and bad blood, and stay connected with God. We don't have all the answers and we never will so the prayer of St Francis of Assisi is a great mantra to live by, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Much love and blessings

God is not into religion!!!

Recently I started reading the Gospels refreshing my memory about the life and teachings of Christ. Every time I read about the life of Jesus I see more and more how He was a real person. Religion however has brought this distorted view of how it is supposed to be; manmade synthetic ideologies that cause more confusion than ever, raised more doubts and leaves unanswered questions. Religion posed a threat to the simplicity of the gospel then and it still does to this day. People cannot get pass the fact that God is after “real relationships” with people and He doesn’t care about our doctrinal philosophies that is really rooted in man’s opinion and interpretation of the Bible. The Bible is such a vast and multi-faceted book that so many doctrines can spin out of it; hence the many and varied denominations. The denominations do cause divisiveness and detract from the purpose of the God/man relationship.

The fact of the matter is however that there is one Higher Power, whatever we want to think of Him as. He has been given so many names, maybe because he refers to Himself as the I AM in the Old Testament Scriptures; which has been interpreted as He can be whatever you want Him to be. But either ways, He is a living breathing being that resonates in all of mankind. As a matter of fact every time we breathe, we breathe His breath. For those of us who believe in the Genesis account of creation, saw that God created man in His own image and likeness from the earth, which by the way is brown. When He breathed into man, man became alive. Thus when someone dies their breath which is their spirit- an extension of God’s spirit ceases in their body. Their existence is no more. That spirit then returns to its original Creator until it’s time when He brings mankind face to face with the question of life’s fulfillment of purpose.

God is Spirit. He is not a blond blue eye figment of anybody’s stretch of imagination. No one has ever seen God. Actually no one can look on the face of God and still live. If anybody said they have seen God, the truth is definitely not in them. No one can see Spirit. The only expression of God’s spirit is in the people whom He created to represent Him in the earth. The essence of the life is really about the expression of love, the same message Jesus came to earth with- love one another. His message is really wrapped up in the way we treat each other. The devil’s deception is that it is about religion. God doesn’t care if you are a Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, Anglican, Existentialist, Buddhist, Deist, Atheist, Naturalist etc; He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care how well learned we are either. The Pharisees were some of the most learned men and teachers of the law; the reason they and Jesus couldn’t get along was because they were so full of it. They were filled with so much information that it rendered them powerless to the truth.

God is relevant to everybody and anybody. His way of living is quite practical. It is based in that simple action called love. But love on the other hand is not the easiest thing to do as we all know. It is easy to love those who are close to us and to love those who love us back. But to love under any other conditions is just too difficult. The funny thing is that we were not taught that it was just that simple. Love changes us to being better people, whether it is the philio, the Eros or the agape, it changes us. But God’s love is founded in the agape- the unconditional love. God can relate to us on our level. As one of my teenage son’s put on his Face book page for his religious beliefs that “Jesus is my Homeboy.” For him that is relatable and I very much doubt that God is offended. As a teenager He has to see God as one of his homies so that He can relate to Him. Seeing Him as a force in the sky may not make one lick of sense to a teenager. So God gives us the opportunity to relate to Him through our personalities. Who knows us better than He does? The only thing is that He requires a simple process that we use inevitably every single moment of our lives. It is called faith. We have to use faith as long as we live. Every morning we roll out of bed, we place our feet on the floor and we expect them to hold us up- that’s faith. When I get in the shower, I turn on the faucet and I expect water to come out; that’s faith. When I turn my keys in the ignition of my car I expect the engine to come alive. Of course I’m not gonna doubt. The only time I have questions is if the car doesn’t start then something is wrong. So we exercise faith whether we want to or not, thus faith in a God we cannot see to guide our lives every day is an asset to our lives more than a liability. People are dropping around us like flies and some people are living like “they got it like that!” But God is a difference maker, when you have to face the day you know He will protect you by faith, He protects your family and if something should happen, because of the relationship you have with Him, He has your back. You just have to keep exercising faith.

It is not about church, it was never about church. God said He will build his church. But so many countless people/pastors/priests/bishops/elders/deacons/evangelists/prophets etc have tried to do God’s job for Him. That’s why so many people don’t want to have anything to do with church. People adopt this air of self righteousness that they make God seem so irrelevant. Jesus hung out with prostitutes and sinners and drunkard, and He was God in the flesh, not just a prophet as many prefer to believe. It appeases their conscience to believe that than to believe He is the sinless Son of God, who can really be our ‘homeboy.’ It is just as simple as that, anything else complicates the issue. I don’t question my radar detection when it’s blaring as I am driving along. It tells me ‘Five O’ is around somewhere and I need to get off the gas just a little. I don’t question the object, so how dare I question the Creator and His ways of doing what He does. He reserves the right to acknowledge me and I have to accept that with the same process of faith. With just one tap He can cut off my oxygen. He can have me outta here before you can say, what? So it really is about relationship, the more we get to know God He makes Himself more real to us. We cannot experience this through religion.

Forty two years after Dr King's death!

April 4^th yesterday was forty two years after an assassin’s bullet took the life of Dr Martin Luther King in Memphis, Tennessee. It is quite prolific that this year his death coincides with the season called Easter, Resurrection Sunday to be exact. Sometimes we tend to get so caught up in our own little world that we forget some of our fundamental traditions as a people. We were listening to the radio in the car and were reminded of the significance of the day. Immediately, our very own African American history buff, my soon to be sixteen year old son brought us up to speed on something so important that we had forgotten about. It is really heartfelt to see my children taking such a vested interest in their history. A love, I believe that was sparked from their kindergarten years. I remember spending so many hours at the local library with my sons reading many books about famous African Americans and their journeys. I too learned a lot from spending time with them and feeding their appetite to know about their history which sorta fed mine. This is one of the things my children love to do and this child in particular can quote dates, events and names as if it’s nothing. I recall once we were on a flight to Florida and he was seating beside a white college student, and being the precocious six year old that he was at the time, he just struck up a conversation with her that simply started with, “did you know?. This young lady was so impressed because she learned quite a few things from him on that ninety minute flight from Newark to Miami. She was so impressed that she wrote him a note saying how much she impacted him. I still have the note to this day. I use it to remind him every so often when he slacks off in school because he wants to “dummy down” himself just to fit in with his friends. (As a sidebar, being smart these days is losing its perks. Children are afraid to be smart. It is called “acting white” or geeky or nerdy and this crosses over every race.)

So why is it important for our children to know history...and this is really for all races. The reason is that we have so much to learn from history. The history of Dr King is not just African American history, it is world history. His life, his legacy is one that the world is benefiting from to this very day. He dreamed a dream that he believed in, a dream that actually cost him his life. In an era when people like him had no voice, he became a voice, a voice that is still resounding through the ages. His “I have a dream speech” is one that is world renown and has been read by many generations since. This particular speech still holds the effect it had decades ago as it still does today. For all of us as a people have benefit from his legacy and those who walked the journey with him. I know it is not just him but also those ancestors before him. But Dr King was the man who took his dream to a level where no other had gone before him; a dream that I believe he was in heaven rejoicing on that night in November when the first African American President of the Free World was announced. Did this event marked the complete fulfillment of Dr King’s dream? I’d say no although there are people who believe it is. For me it is really simply, because an African American president in the White House doesn’t mean the dream is over. Dr King’s dream is constant, which means that it shouldn’t be allowed to die but be continuous. As long as there is different racial makeup in the world, we will never see eye to eye and usually quite sadly race always plays a part.

This eloquent clergyman and activist had his demands for a better America, one of equal rights for all people especially African Americans who didn’t have any rights back then so to speak. They couldn’t stop him and not even the bullet of James Earl Ray’s gun could stop the beautiful spirit of this man whose life has touched us all. So many of us have overcome hurdles as recipients of his legacy but we have subconsciously settled in the mindset that we have arrived. We are now “seated at the table of brotherhood,” and believe all is well. The public consciousness of Dr King’s dream is still here. It was bequeathed to us and it behooves us to not lose sight of his dream. He broke the glass ceiling so that we can follow. When President Obama took the oath to become America’s 44^th president, his presidency should have renewed our hope in the dream of Dr King. But even at this stage he is coming under so much fire because of who he is. We really can’t hide behind wanting to be politically correct by not calling things for what they are, because if Dr King was politically correct I think we would still be sitting at the back of the bus. The issue of race has always been a delicate one in this country and it still divides people. Although we can’t blame everything on race, sometimes it is too subtle that we don’t notice or even too obvious to be believable.

But I look around at this next generation and can assess that they have lost sight of “the dream.” Our children are under siege especially our young black men. Our athletes are being used and exposed as if they are still on the auction blocks. We are still at the mercy of the media. Almost all minority groups have been victimized by some form of media manhunt. Researchers have shown that our boys are more likely to be seen on the evening news in the role of a criminal or a perpetrator than any other group. Black on black crime is on the rise and who is going to help rid America of this stereotyping? We have to! Life is not just about the acquisition of material stuff which is a part of the American dream, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with acquiring the stuff. But when it becomes a mindset of “Lord bless me and my family and keep us safe from those people!” then we too have lost sight of what really matters. We all need this level of consciousness that should come from within us to keep the dream alive, where our consciousness of being our brothers’ keeper is revived. Dr King didn’t just fight the fight for himself, Coretta (RIP), Martin Jr, Yolanda (RIP), Bernice and Dexter; he did it for all of us. He was selfless in his actions that transcended through time.

Yes, we have evolved as a nation and as a people. Thankfully there are so many laws passed to protect our rights that would never take us back to the days of Jim Crow. Thank God, the literal lynching days are long behind us, the hoses, the dogs, the tarring and the whippings etc are things of the pass. But history has a way of repeating itself. We can go right back to the way it was, if we don’t protect what we already have and know. If you don’t believe me, look at the parallel between the Great Depression when the banks caused the stock market to crash and this present financial crisis. We got there the same way, the greed of the banking sector. Obviously the powers that be didn’t learn from that experience. We all can make a difference in our own little way if we can see ourselves as Dr King put it, as “all God’s children” and live accordingly, something this next generation need to buy into. If they can just know their value and their worth and their purpose for living in a world that the odds are stacked against, then we would have better families, better schools, better communities where people don’t have to live in fear, eventually a better world. I know it is easier said than done because it seems so simple………..