As we look around us today on this present generation it makes one's blood curl at some of the things that these young people have gotten themselves into. This is one thing we can all agree on that times have changed drastically. Because of this technological age children have been exposed to so much more earlier, that it is so frightening. My eight year old can correct me with a straight face in sheer childhood innocence about sex education, when I'm trying to dance around the topic because I want to preserve this innocence and let him learn in time about things I didn't know until I was a teen. Yes times have changed, parenting styles have also changed but what has become of good solid values that children are supposed to learn from home. While the era is rapidly becoming more impersonal, we as a nation, as a people and as a generation have lost sight of fundamentals that help to prepare our children for life and to help make them well rounded adults.
Nowadays children are engaging in dangerous activities, including sexual activities especially in schools, ask any teacher, on school buses even in the class room of all places. So many teachers and school personnel depending on the towns or cities they teach are exposed to so much abuse from these kids that it is unbelievable. When a child can look at a teacher or any grown up for that matter and say, "go f*** yourself" or even threaten them with bodily harm, we have to ask these questions, how did we get here and who is to blame. Some people want to blame the "system." What system? The same one that tries to discipline the kids and the same parents jump in and run rough shod over because teachers are messing over their kids? Unfortunately some people don't realize that one can tell a lot about them by simply observing their kids. Some may hate to hear this but it is the God's honest truth.
Children need to be trained to take accountability for their actions. Sadly this is something that most people don't know or want to do. As a society we have been very successful in perpetuating the blame game. That is why the mental health profession is one of the most desired to be in these days. People are now realizing the need to sort out issues that they should have been made to deal with as children because mom and dad dropped the ball, and didn't teach them valuable life lessons. Our parents, God bless them, some of them actually didn't follow this process the best way. Many of them could only do the best they knew how with what limited resources they had or the way they were taught by their parents. Granted some of what they did was done out of ignorance but millions of us have turned out quite well as a result.
I am not an advocate of beating children, although it is a biblical principle. Our children nowadays are way too savvy and sophisticated for them to be treated in this manner. I believe it may have more of a negative effect than anything else on their psyche because of how much they have progressed mentally than we have. But there are still ways to discipline our children that can be effective and help them to understand the values that can take them through life. The jail cells are filled with many angry men and women who are good people, nonetheless but somewhere in their minds they had no concept of knowing certain boundaries. They were also not taught to respect any kind of authority whatsoever. But while they weren't taught none of these principles some of them that is, they weren't even given the type of balance they needed and that's love. Parents of today overcompensate for love with stuff and even when they have to discipline their children they make excuses to them as to why.
I am not one of those people who are against people spoiling your kids, spoil your kids if you want to but make sure they don't have a false sense of reality about this concept. Sometimes you have to say no and make no apologies, be consistent and stand your ground. While you may let them have their own way constantly remind them that the rest of the world will not let them have their own way. As they grow older they will realize how important learning that lesson was. Mom and dad, may put up with the b.s. but the boss wont, the friends wont, the cops definitely wont. That's reality. Life doesn't spin off of Burger King's motto, "Have it your way!" Some parents are raising kids as if they are friends or fans. As I tell mine, "I am not your friend and we can't be friends until you are in your twenties!" I really hate to hear young kids say my mom/dad is my best friend. To which I'd say to that mom or dad, "Really? Get a life!" If that is the case then psychologically something is out of whack. As parents we should seek to have a good relationship with our children, where they will not be afraid to come to us about anything. But for a child to relate on the level of an adult and be a friend to that adult and vice versa shows up many things. Let children be 'besties' with their peers, don't allow them to become premature adults in order for you to relate to them. Neither should you go down to their level to adjust to them. It's one thing to relate to them but another thing to adjust to a child's level. Give them a chance and maintain that parent/child boundary. They need their own friends, its healthy and it should definitely not be you. Because for starters they may feel that they can relate to every adult in the same manner. It may seem like good but it isn't. Studies have shown that well developed children are those who grow with a balanced parent/ peer involvement. The other flip side of that is they'd rather be with their friends than with you as their so called best friend. That is so because it is a natural process for them to want that preference. My kids love me and we can talk about anything, that doesn't make me their best friend. When we go to the mall you'd see how much of a best friend I am. They disappear until it's time to go. They can't be seen in the mall with their mom, are you kidding? At least for boys that is.
Parenting is difficult and their is no cookie cutter way to do it. For many of us it's by trial and error that we learn and continue to learn how to become better parents. We can't always blame the system especially when we know the system is not in favor of some of our children. Kids hate discipline and structure. But they need it. They may not thank you now but when they get older they'll thank you for it. The biblical truth of training up a child in the way that he should go holds true. They can go so far but no further. When I worked in the foster care system, I saw first hand how much this have affected children. It would break my heart just to see these kids who have become a part of a loveless system. Many of them being victims of a generational trend, parents who weren't raised right. Just like the old Jewish proverb that says, "the fathers have eaten sour grapes and have set the children's teeth on edge." So these parents have sealed their children's fate and only a change of fate or faith will cause life to turn out different for many of them. They are not bad kids, I know from dealing with them. Their parents held the missing link.
Growing up is a choice while growing old is not an option they say. Our children can be prepared for both with TLC and discipline. As I tell my kids all the time, "if God didn't have use for parents, you would've came straight from the sky, so trust the process although you may not like it." When your child is wrong call them on it, let them own up when they are wrong and communicate in such a way that they know when they are wrong to say they are sorry. When you are wrong, own up too. I have had to many times eat humble pie and apologize to my kids. It makes them feel valued. It also puts them in a position to not want to disappoint you either. God made them with a conscience too and it is in good working order. Just be the motor that starts that engine. That's why they have us. As my little Ethan says when I ask him, "if all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn bridge, would you jump too?" In his childlike wisdom, he answers, "Only if I have a parachute!" It cracked me up but I got what he said. If he jumps he knows there will be consequences, hence the parachute.
I am by no means raising perfect children and and it truth be told neither are you. But I want to know when I stand before God to give an account for this role, I would from my heart know that I did my job the best I knew how by His grace. So we need to give them a fighting chance to be the best that they can be. The system don't have to put up with them. The teachers don't either. They don't have to make that phone call home either to tell you how your kids are doing. Being married to an educator and a substitute teacher, I know the inside scoop. See, the thing is teachers don't have to put up with our bratty kids, they don't have to argue with them either. They can use that red pen and that grade book to their advantage, and you as a parent cannot prove it. So the system is align for our children to succeed or fail but it begins at home.
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